so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
