before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
