Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
