Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize