The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize