Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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