oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
