Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
