Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
