This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
