His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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