I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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