she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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