she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
