I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
