Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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