he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How drunk are you?
Completed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
