then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
