I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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