The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
