Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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