I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't trust your balls anymore.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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