2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
