i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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