is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
