I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
