just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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