1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
