He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
