I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
