Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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