do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
