It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
