I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
