omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
