yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I bet he comes in French.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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