At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she peed on how many people?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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