I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
