so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
