my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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