my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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