I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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