My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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