Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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