so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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