the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
