He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize