whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
