the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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