I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So many bounce houses so little time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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