Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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