I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's like iHOP with fire
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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