That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
