So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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