I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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