Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
