i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
