thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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