Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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