it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
