you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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