My pussy is not your playground.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
