They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
