lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Shame - the story of my life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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