just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
