dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
