I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
