I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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