I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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