he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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