Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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