people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
