u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
