she takes plan B like it's going out of style
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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