I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize