how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
