someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
being pregnant is like rehab
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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