So drunk its hurt
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
