i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
