Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
