people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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