you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
