I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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