By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
