in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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