I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
