a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize