Dual....:-)
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
