Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
