Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
