i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
